Ep#11 A Sneak Peek Into Your Brain (Part 2)

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This episode is Part 2 of the Subconscious Values Series. Be sure to listen to part 1 before you tune in to this episode.

We all have invisible forces that drive us. These forces are subconscious in nature. It’s not something we often talk about. And it is our subconscious values. Now, I am saying subconscious because we don’t wake up every morning thinking consciously about them. We don’t plan our day according to our subconscious values and we surely don’t consider consciously whether they are actually taking us closer to what we want to create in our businesses.

This episode will shine a light on your away values and hopefully give you some insights into why you do what you do. Why you get upset when things don’t go your way and also how it affects the way you run your business (or any area of your life, specifically the areas that you may find challenging at the moment)

We all have towards values and away from values. Our towards values are those feelings we want to feel, that we strive towards. I teach you how to discover these in part 1 of the series. Our away from values are those feelings that we will do anything to avoid feeling.

We'll cover your AWAY values during this episode. It is important to know and understand both because when we dive deeper into each type of value, we understand our rules for life, our relationships and basically everything in our experience. Interestingly, how what we want to feel and what we don’t want to feel are often times in conflict.

Our rules for achieving our away values and avoiding our away from values are often in conflict.

This is a practical episode because as we go through the topic of this episode I want you to grab a pen and answer the questions for yourself (I am also listing them again in the Key Takeaways section below). So, if you are in a place where you can jot down what comes up for you that’s awesome! Or if you want to listen now and do the exercises on a second go round that is also fine.

I usually do two or three entire sessions on this topic with my private clients because we go into it in a lot of detail. It is probably one of the most eye opening experiences and biggest catalysts for change simply because it shows you your brain. It shows you what is going on underneath what is logical. Because when we act or react…things aren’t always logical right? Sometimes we wonder why we keep doing things even though we know we don’t want to do it. Or even though we know it’s not working!

Discovering your Away Values

The first question you want to ask yourself is:

In the past, In the past, what is the feeling you would do almost anything to avoid having to feel?

Think back to the worst experiences in your life, because they are the experiences where you learned these away from emotions or values.

Some examples of Away From Values:

- Rejection

- Feeling not good enough

- Shame

- Guilt

- Embarrassment

- Anger

Repeating the process above until you have 5 away from values.

Once you know what your away values are, it's time to list them in order of importance. Rank your values from highest to lowest.

Compare your away from values and prioritise them by answering: "In the past, which of these feelings were you willing to do more to avoid having to feel?"

Discover your rules for avoiding the negative emotions

Once you have your away values listed from highest importance to lowest importance, we will ask one more question to establish the rules we have given to ourselves and others around us, to avoid those values.

Ask yourself: What SPECIFICALLY needs to happen in order for you to feel "the negative emotion"? "What else needs to happen?"

Now, this is where things get interesting because we have SO many rules!

Side Note: Be brutally honest here. When you do this exercise you want to jot down your rules as they are. Don't try to tweak them with logical thinking. Even if it may seem ridiculous to your conscious brain.

Remember, your rules are subconscious, so it might not make logical sense, yet, you expect it to happen in that way subconsciously.

This may be easy or hard (maybe even both) because this is probably the first time you’re bringing this to your conscious mind. It’s the first time you're shining a light on the rules you have for achieving whatever feeling matters most.

Your answers may surprise you! Is there a theme in your values? Is it easy to feel the negative emotions? (And harder to feel the positive ones?)

Repeat this process for all your value rules.

These rules are dictating how you experience life.

How many of your rules place unreasonable expectations on those around you? How many of your rules are placing unreasonable expectations on YOU?

The good news is, if you don’t like your rules, you can create new ones!

If you notice that it is very easy to satisfy your away values then it’s time to create new rules.

Choose new rules that make achieving your negative or away from values difficult to achieve.

your aligned action task and takeaway

1. Discover your subconscious away from values by asking: In the past, what is the feeling you would do almost anything to avoid having to feel?

2. Dig deeper to find the emotion/feeling you want to avoid.

3. Rank your 5 away values from highest to lowest.

4. Discover your value rules by asking: In order for me to feel (insert value)...xyz needs to happen.

5. Question your rules. Is it easy to or difficult to feel your away values? If it is easy, establish new rules.

If you want to learn more about living an aligned life, I invite you to check out the Mom Aligned Collective. Doors to the membership are opening soon! Join the waitlist here.

Want to see if private coaching is for you? Book a consultation call with me here.

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