Ep#32 People pleasing your way to an unhappy life

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Do you struggle with people pleasing? Afraid to make decisions or stand up for yourself because they won’t like it? This one’s for you.

I often talk about the power of making decisions. You know how much power they have because you can probably look back at your life and see where you made big decisions and you know if you made a different decision then your life would be completely different now.

Now, take a look at those decisions and ask yourself whether they were your own? Especially the one's you wish you could get a do-over on.

We make decisions from under a cloud of what we think we should do. What we think our parents, our colleagues, our friends, and our partner expect us to do.

We want to keep everyone happy. We don't want to disappoint people, especially the people we love.

And I get it! But here's the thing:

How we feel doesn't come from what others do or don't do. What they say or how they behave. It comes from the meaning we give those things. The thoughts we have about what they say, what they do.

It isn't possible for someone to hurt your feelings. It isn't possible for someone to disappoint you.

And in the same way, it isn't possible for you to disappoint them.

Now, I am not saying you're going to go around and be a mean girl that speaks her mind without caring about the effect of her words. I am also not saying that it's okay for people to treat you like crap and that you just need to take it.

This work is about taking 100% responsibility for our own emotions, which come from your thoughts.

If we are making decisions from a place of wanting to please or not disappoint, those decisions are not our own and we will most likely find ourselves in a place of resentment or frustration because we didn't make the decision that was right for US at the moment.

Jacinda Ardern, the Prime Minister of New Zealand and the world’s youngest female head of state, knows all about making confident decisions. She’s a trailblazer for working mothers everywhere, normalizing the fact that mothers can be powerhouse leaders at work WITH a baby on the hip.

When looking at interviews, it’s very apparent that Jacinda isn’t afraid to stand up and speak her mind, even if that means critiquing US gun laws in order to push for change.

I can only imagine the kind of backlash she receives for the decisions she makes.

Jacinda is a powerhouse but she is able to operate from this place because she is grounded in who she is as a human.

If you want to live a fulfilled life, trying to please everyone won’t get you there and it starts with understanding where our happiness and the happiness of others really come from.

We have heard things like - happiness comes from within. But understanding something logically doesn't mean you are living it. And until you understand that you are not responsible for making others feel proud of you or not disappointed in you...you are going to struggle your way through life...molding and changing yourself to fit into what they want you to be.

When we do things (or avoid things) in an attempt to not disappoint or rock the boat, you’ll settle into this weird mushy place where you’re constantly trying to keep everyone around you happy. Which is exhausting by the way.

So, remember this: You do not have the power to make someone happy or angry (or any emotion). Only they can do that.

If you're not 100% okay with yourself, if you’re living in discontent, you're going to look for approval outside yourself.

So this is your invitation to live true to YOU. You only have this one life (probably) so don’t waste it by not TRULY living it.

“When you say yes to others, make sure you aren't saying no to yourself." Paulo Coehlo

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