Ep#37 The 50/50 Rule

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A recent discussion with my ten-year-old led to a really powerful reminder that life is 50/50 and if we can accept this rule, life will be way less miserable.

My daughter Quinn loves horse riding. She recently had a lesson at her riding school and she fell off...twice!

After riding for almost two years, and never falling off. She fell off twice in one lesson!

On the way to her next lesson last week we were having a chat in the car. I could see she was a bit nervous about getting on that horse again! I asked her how she was feeling and what her thoughts were about getting on that horse again!

What she said to me was pretty profound,

She said: "Mom, you don’t want to fall off. You do your best not to, but sometimes, you will. Falling off isn’t necessarily bad. It’s just part of it."

You ride and you fall off sometimes.

Some wise words from a ten-year-old.

It made me think about the 50/50 rule that I learned about from Brooke Castillo.

Your brain might fight me on this and say nope. It’s 60/40, 70/30, or 80/20.

But it is a rule that can’t change.

Life is 50/50

Let me explain.

We inherently want things to be good all the time. We want to focus on the positive emotions and not feel the negative ones. We don’t like feeling sad. We don’t like feeling angry or disappointed or embarrassed and so we work very hard to not feel them. Often times we even make them wrong.

We tell ourselves that this is a good emotion and that is a bad emotion.

When we look at the world around us we decide that certain things are good and others are bad.

We believe that the bad shouldn’t be there.

Think about a movie. Have you ever watched a movie where the good guys did not win in the end? It's super upsetting, right?

All is well in the world when good triumphs over bad.

Our challenges come from thinking that it’s possible to create a world where the bad, and the ugly don’t exist.

The 50/50 rule says that there is good and bad. ("And" being the key word here.) We tend to think that things are either good OR bad. That you are either right OR wrong.

The 50/50 rule excepts that both good and bad exist together.

That there is both good AND bad in all human beings.

When we accept this rule it releases some tension.

Accepting the 50/50 rule not only releases tension, judgment, and the "all or nothing" extreme thinking, it also creates space for curiosity and compassion because we see that there is never really only one way. That we could be right but that our "right" is simply a perspective, which could also be wrong.

Not either-or...but both.

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