Ep#52 The key to working less and living more (A lesson on boundaries)

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Do you have a hard time setting boundaries? If you want to work less (a.k.a have more time for the other things that matter to you) then you must master the act of setting boundaries.

In this episode, you’ll learn how to create and communicate your boundaries so you can take back control of your time!

Setting boundaries as a mom entrepreneur.

One of the biggest reasons why we struggle with managing our time is because we don’t set boundaries for ourselves, our businesses, and the people we interact with in our life.

We all find the act of setting boundaries challenging but depending on our personalities, some of us struggle more than others.

My money archetype is the Maveric, and we typically don’t find it that hard to set boundaries because we value our freedom so much!

There are 8 archetypes (Accumulators, Mavericks, Alchemists, Nurturers, Celebrities, Romantics, Connectors, and Rulers) and every archetype has beautiful strengths but also self-sabotaging behaviors that are unique to that archetype.

You might be wondering, what the heck does a money archetype have to do with boundaries and how I manage my time?

I believe how we do money is how we do everything and when I work with my clients in redesigning their relationships with time, money always comes up! Let’s face it. If we want to work less, we still need money coming in, right?

I always wondered why people struggle to just say no. It’s not that hard! Then I discovered my archetype I realized that I don’t struggle with setting boundaries, but some of the other archetypes do…it’s their kryptonite. Nurturers are a good example. They have a hard time setting boundaries because it is so important for them to be there for others.

When we don’t set boundaries we create resentment and frustration for ourselves. The other person might be getting what they want but at a high cost to themselves.

When we don’t set boundaries we are basically telling ourselves that what we want doesn’t matter. It isn’t that important.

Sometimes we find it harder to set boundaries for people we don’t know that well because we want to be viewed as nice people. Other times, we can easily set boundaries for those we don’t know but struggle with setting boundaries with those closest to us. Like family.

There is a lot to say about boundaries, heck there are even books written on this subject specifically. The first thing we need to understand about boundaries is that when we create a boundary, it can’t just stay in our heads. We need to communicate it!

Of course, when we communicate it…the person on the other side of it might not like it.

Anticipating the reaction of the person on the other side of the boundary is a huge part of why we don’t communicate it in the first place. We assume we know what the person will think and feel about our boundaries. And most often, we expect the worst.

The first lesson in boundary communication:

Don’t assume you know what they will think and feel. Or how they will react.

The story you have in your head lays the foundation for the discussion. When you’re anxious and expecting the worst, you are starting the conversation on a disempowered foot.

Communicate the boundary and be okay with whatever that person's reaction is. You will find that most people respect your boundaries when they know what they are.

Reminder. There are two sides to this coin. How do you react when people set boundaries? We can’t expect people to respect our boundaries if we cannot do the same for others.

There might be multiple life areas where you struggle to set boundaries, but I bet you some areas are harder than others.

So, this is your check-in for this week. Where do you struggle to set boundaries?

Is it with friends? Clients? Your spouse or partner?

Get clear on what specific scenario feels the most challenging.

Then ask yourself what you’re afraid of losing by setting this boundary. What do you think is the worse thing that can happen if you voice what you need or want in this situation?

Is it really true?

Sometimes your fears are real. Sometimes the person will react exactly as you predicted. Other times they might surprise you and you’ll see that your fear wasn’t real.

Either way, you have a choice between staying in the discomfort of having your boundaries crossed…probably because people don’t even know they exist or being okay with the discomfort of having the conversation, knowing that you are a powerful force of nature and that you can actually deal with anything that comes your way!

I want to encourage you to voice your boundaries today. Check-in with yourself. Where are you allowing people to walk over you? Where do you need to voice your boundaries? Where do you need to be mindful of others' boundaries?

Have an awesome week my friend!

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