Ep #57 Want to change? You might be doing it wrong.

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About 5% of what we do is automatic, think of your heart beating, your eyes blinking. You don’t need to do anything in order for it to happen. It just does.

The rest. The other 95% of what we do.

Habits.

We have good habits and bad habits. Which is objective, some people might view a certain habit as “good” or “bad”. I like to think of them in terms of habits that serve us in creating the life we want and habits that don’t.

All of us have at least one habit we would like to change, stop or add to our lives. Since our habits directly impact our lives and the results we see, it’s pretty important to understand how to establish new habits and break old ones.

However, there is something about habits you might not know yet.

We get two categories of habits and if you’re trying to change a habit in the first category of you are going to have a really hard time making the change.

99% of people focus on changing habits in the first category…which is why so many people don’t create the change they so desperately want!

If you’ve ever tried to loose weight with a strict diet, succeeded somewhat, just to gain it all back again…you’ve fallen into this trap.

James Clear says in his book, Atomic Habits: “Outcomes are about  what you get, processes are about what you do and identity is about what you believe.”

Typically, when we want to create a change, we focus on what we want to achieve, (like lose weight). This leads us to creating outcome-based habits. This is the first category.

On the other hand, when we focus on WHO we wish to become we create identity-based habits. The second category. It is this type of habit that will get us to our desired outcome.

Let’s think about two people at a party.

When offered the cigarettes, the first woman responds with: “No thanks. I am trying to quit.”

Although it seems normal to say this when you want to stop smoking, something interesting is happening that is making it really hard for her to actually stop.

When she says: “I am trying to quit.” it is a hint that she is operating from the first category of habits. The Outcome-based habits.

She is resisting the cigarettes because she still believes she is a smoker.

As a result, there is a constant war between the outcome she wants (which is to not smoke) and her identity (which is “I am a smoker”).

You can imagine how hard the process of breaking this habit is!

She has one part of her brain, the logical part, fighting to put down the cigarette, while her unconscious mind still believes she IS a smoker!

One part is shouting “Put it down woman!”

The other part is urging her on: “Light it up!”

In contrast, the second women is offered a cigarette and her response is: “No thanks. I’m not a smoker.”

Sounds like an insignificant difference, but it actually signals a huge difference in IDENTITY (the core beliefs of each woman).

For the women who identifies as a non-smoker, there is no internal fight because at her core she believes she isn’t a smoker.

Here’s what’s important to understand:

It is VERY difficult to change your behavior while you’re still carrying around the same beliefs.

Our actions reinforce our beliefs. The more we do something…the more we believe it’s who we are…and the more we do it. This is how our identity is established.

If you’re doing something at the behavioral level that you want to change, you need to start at the identity level FIRST before you take any action!

Once you work on your beliefs and who you are BEING, the doing part comes easy.

Any shift to the next level you want to reach starts with the habits you need to establish, but before you can establish the new habits (or ditch the old ones), you need to make a shift at your identity level.

Remember: If we don’t shift our identity and then create habits based on that identity…it is going to be an uphill battle.

This loosely translates to: If you don’t shift your identity, you will self-sabotage your plans.

Your identity is created by the core beliefs you have as a person.

Your habits are how you act out those core beliefs.

In other words, what you do every day, indicates what you believe at your core.

Your beliefs are simply the thoughts you think over and over again. Because you constantly think these thoughts, they become part of you and you now accept them as fact.

Whatever you believe at the identity level, you will act in alignment with.

So, if we want to shift our identity, if we want to BE different, we need to THINK different, and DO different.

An easy way to start this process is to use this powerful reframe with everything you want to create for yourself:

Instead of saying: “I am the type of person who WANTS this.”

Say instead: “I am the kind of person who IS this.”

Here are some examples of this reframe with common goals:

Instead of saying “I am going to lose x amount of weight.” You want to say, “I am going to become healthy.”

Instead of making the goal to run x amount of miles or kms. You want to say, “I am going to become a runner.”

In the work I do with my clients, establishing Identity-Based Habits is a three-step process:

First, we get clear on who you need to BE to have the things you want.

Secondly, we do the thought work, unlearn old beliefs and create new thought patterns that make taking aligned action the obvious next step.

Lastly, we take action! This is a crucial step! The entrepreneurial process (and creating the life you desire) isn’t a thinking process only.

If you’re thinking: “this sounds like a lot of work!”

It is.

A shift in your identity doesn’t just happen overnight. It is a deliberate and intentional journey of becoming and unbecoming.

If you want to take this work deeper and get to the person you need to be FASTER, then I want to invite you to apply to work with me over the course of 6 months.

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